thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
