p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
