So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I am naked and annoyed.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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