Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just gift wrapped bread.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
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