she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
