I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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