UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
