just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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