The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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