I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
