She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
