So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
What a dumb baby whore.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
