There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Too much gin, very little bucket
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
