Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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