Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
