I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
