Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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