i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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