my phone needs a breathalizer
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
my being single is dangerous.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
