thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
