david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
