I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
