I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
