First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
