tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
