420 ftw
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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