please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
