one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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