Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
How does one acquire holy water?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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