Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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