conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
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What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
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I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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