DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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