Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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