I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
