i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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