we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
