You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
