I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
