So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
