Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
there is glitter all over my balls
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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