Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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