life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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