My first STD was from a foam party
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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