been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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