I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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