I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
