i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
if only i could text you this smell
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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