Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
