their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
