at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
