whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
