Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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