I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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