When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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