Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
