Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
