whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
