Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
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