I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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