Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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