I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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