im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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