I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
sex in a hospital.. check
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
