apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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