i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
