The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
