I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize