She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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