as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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