I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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