How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
