I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
