I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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