the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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