Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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