you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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