You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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