Nicole vs. Life
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I want her autograph on my taint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize