Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
