yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
